mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
