y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize