this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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