he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
