Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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