It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
