i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
