My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
