4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
