we're blogging at a bar
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
