Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
