I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
