I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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