but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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