no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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