Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
