dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
