As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
