Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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