Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize