On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dick very happy bro
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
