my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
