what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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