woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
