Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
