Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
