Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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