Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize