I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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