you didnt know i had herpes?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
