he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love having hate sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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