a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
