Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
