Will you blow on my dice?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize