Where is the hickey?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
