it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
