She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
