Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
