Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize