Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
