apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
