I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
