Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Quick, to the slutcave!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize