Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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