Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
