i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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