I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
