I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
