did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we're so committed to being not committed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
