I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
