This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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