Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
