Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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