just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
