That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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