he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
