currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
