Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
