Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
