she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
