Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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