hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
