i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
