WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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