you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
