i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
