Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
