i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
