So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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