went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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