OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize