i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
