I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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