Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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