I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
