your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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