My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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