sarcasm needs its own font
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
