So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize