Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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