I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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