I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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