Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
