Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
