im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
