it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
