I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
