Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
