I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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