Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
