Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
