Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
