theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
