yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
