Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
