Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
