I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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