he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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