3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
