can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
