WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
