I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
