she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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