he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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