That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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