just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
