I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
